sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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