Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
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