I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
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