I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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