i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
