You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
