god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
You work out of a Hotel?
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
