The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
