And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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