he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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