Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
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We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
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I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
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