i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
