idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
