Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
just come out here and I will go home with you...
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
