After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
