4 words: hood of his car
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
