This is not my ceiling
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
