dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
