i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
