I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
