Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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