it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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