You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I feel like death gave me a hand job
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize
