I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize