I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
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