nut hugger
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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