who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
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