I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
