At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
