I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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