we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Randomize
