Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
