An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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