A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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