I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
