im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
