I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Randomize
