We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize