Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
