the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
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