Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I enjoy the company of your penis
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