She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
