cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
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Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
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My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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