Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
