So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
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