I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
