Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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