ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
