somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Two words: nipple clamps
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