my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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