His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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