He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
