oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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