I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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