I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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