I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
