you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
