How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize
